newest entry 2002-09-30 10:42 a.m.

Serving an artistic vision—a random set of aesthetics that have lodged in the brain through happenstance, trauma, imprinting—is another way of serving the ego. And yet, by serving your ego in this way, you are also creating something that other people—maybe not many, but some—can relate to, enjoy, embrace. Art makes us feel less alone. Art is our way of sitting around the fire and listening to stories to reinforce our tribal unity, even if that tribe is very small.

So if I stop teaching yoga and start concentrating on writing and music again, have I stopped serving humanity, or am I just choosing to serve humanity in a different way, a way that I may be better at?

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill by turning this into a momentous decision?

Am I a quitter?

All I can tell you that is that I feel like I’ve come to the end of the line with my interest in yoga, and I’m agonizing over whether I should keep going with it.

I read Yoga Journal and I cringe. I see the bright-eyed enthusiasm of my teacher training classmates and I wince because I know I’m not there.

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