newest entry 2002-01-07 12:50 a.m.

A week after coming home from the yoga ranch, and I'm glad to report that some things have stayed with me. I've been cooking and cleaning a lot more than usual. I've been pitching in, in general, around the house w/o so much teeth-gritting. I'm also not as enthralled with the Internet and other distractions.

I'm reminded of the expression, "you can't get enough of what you don't need." There are so many things that we think are going to bring us satisfaction, that don't. That includes expectations of how other people are going to act. After reconnecting to my peace up in Woodbourne, I found myself easily able to forgive my family for some things that happened on Christmas, because I realized that their being able to conform to my ideals of behavior is not what brings me satisfaction. What brings me satisfaction is just being healthy and being useful and occasionally being told I have nice legs.

A friend of mine recently remarked that his girlfriend "can be angry at others, but she doesn't take enough pleasure in it to be catty." That line really struck me. I enjoy being angry at people. But it's an addiction cuz you can't really get enough of it, and it ultimately doesn't satisfy. So I thought I'd try to drop my pleasure-seeking anger, no matter how justified it seems. We'll see how that goes.

My other New Year's Resolutions are...under construction, coming soon.

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