newest entry 2001-08-29 9:19 p.m.

No Coffee

Taught a 6:00 AM class today--beautiful predawn greyness giving way to sun, and the warm feeling of being awake and purposeful while many others are shrugging off the alarm clock. My class wasn't great--plagued by a recurring sense that my teaching has grown stale and impersonal--but afterwards I felt sleepy and peaceful, and eschewed my usual morning coffee and newspaper. I didn't want to bury myself in distractions today, I wanted to enjoy life as it rolled in. How do I hide from life? My obsessions, and I have plenty, that keep me anchored in my head. How do I hide from real love? My demands about how love should be and look and feel.

Wrote a chapter for my book about nutrition, then headed into Manhattan to listen to the musical background that my music partner Blue had put on my deep relaxation CD. It was great--I beta-tested it, and it really was relaxing. I'm excited about havnig a new project to promote and get out there in the world. This one is simpler than a music CD--it is actually useful, and the target audience is easier to define. This isn't art, this is...enlightened commerce.

Blue and I went out for a drink afterwards, and he told me his wife is pregnant. He's been wanting to start a family since I've known him, but now that it's happening he's freaked out completely. He was nervous just telling me. But I am very happy for them--now I've got two babies to look forward to this spring. Miss Cookie's (my sister's) and Blue's. We talked about our families...his awful sister-in-law, his mean drunk of a mother... Made me feel grateful for the inlaws I have, and my own family, who I love a lot. I do wish I was closer with them, but we've all got lives to tend to.

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