newest entry 2003-07-02 10:20 a.m.

More books! More movies!

Watched Sweet Home Alabama last night, because it's just about all I had the energy to do. I was exhausted. (More on that later).

Yes, it was predictable, dopey, but lots of fun. It touched on, albeit in a hamfisted Hollywood manner, some interesting aspects of leaving home to make your identity and fortune. And there's a scene in a coon dog graveyard that made me weep...cuz it's all about the loyalty of a dog (well, it's a plot device, too, but I try to give movies the benefit of the doubt, especially when it comes to dogs) and Coney was in my lap as I watched...

And I am following up Naked Brunch with a suspense novel by Maggie Estep (you can read the first chapter here). It's set in Brooklyn, and reads like a hybrid of Motherless Brooklyn and Like a Hole in the Head. Fun and gritty and smart, but not too taxing on the grey matter. Perfect summer subway reading.

I went so long w/o reading on the train, just cultivating awareness of my surroundings and breath. I feel a little slackerly taking up the habit again. But I also missed having a novel companion, so I'm balancing the two things by only reading when the train is in Brooklyn (about half the commute).

So: yeah. I'm really fatigued. I'm wondering if it's the lack of cardio since I started slow-burn lifting, or just PMS, or the way I fell mightily off the low-carb wagon this week. Or just garden variety crabbiness and depression caused by frustration with my job.

I haven't told you about that, dear diary, because I feel lucky to be working when so many of my friends are unemployed. But ever since they told me they weren't hiring me permanently, I've had a tiny chip on my shoulder. I am still doing a good job, but I am not as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as I was the first three months here.

There is a real lack of vision and leadership around here, too, and a lot of wasteful practices. Projects get started and never finished because no one knows how to lead. I work entirely on my own with very little guidance or feedback. I like the freedom, of course, but it's born of neglect from the higher-ups rather than any enlightened managerial philosophy.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. If, at the end of summer, they still haven't offered me a job here, I will negotiate for a higher hourly wage or fewer hours (cuz I hate working 9-to-5).

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