newest entry 2003-05-20 9:07 p.m.

I tuned into, ya know, that show tonight. I thought I could be objective, until the slender man did his final number. Cheesy as his rendition was, with all the berobed gospel singers, it made me pick up the phone and vote for him. You know how I feel about that song. Go slender man!

Had a difficult episode at work, wherein I was put on the spot, called on the carpet, etc. To explain it all would be complicated, but the raw emotions of the experience are frustration and embarrassment, and a bit of hurt and anger, too.

It's all compounded by the fact that last week, I initiated a meeting with one of my bosses to ask if I was doing OK, and if there was anything I could be doing differently, etc. He said I was doing a good job. He had absolutely no negative feedback.

And then today, he sat there and watched and listened as my other boss competely browbeat me about something I neglected to do. You'd think he could have told me last week, when I asked him if there's anything I could be doing differently.

I am trying to process it all without taking it personally, or holding anything against anyone, or denying my part in what happened.

It's not a huge deal, but I am not a big fan of the way they chose to deal with it. I also don't like the lack of communication in this company.

The upside is that it's the first time I've felt anything besides social anxiety and a sort of dim pleasant comfort at this job--I actually felt passion, even if it was in the form of indignation. It made me feel more human, somehow, and less like a pod. And my anger emboldens me, makes me less shy. So maybe this is good.

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