newest entry 2003-03-14 12:26 p.m.

The meeting went OK. I mostly sat there and listened, which is probably the safest position right now while I'm still getting to know the company and my place in it.

The meeting went so smoothly it felt scripted, like we were in an instructional video about project management.

So this widget that we're developing could really influence the way people choose books, videos and music. I feel good about that, and believe we can serve people's higher interests.

Another cool thing about this job is that I am fulfilling my new year's resolution to listen to more new music. Part of my job is reviewing books, videos and records, so I am exposed to new stuff all the time. Plus many people here are musicians, and it is energizing to be around that creative spirit.

I also need to read magazine reviews and excerpt them for the database, which means I get to enjoy my favorite vice (periodicals!) on the job.

The best thing about all this is that I feel like I am taking all the untolled hours that I've spent reading spiritual books and writing (and reading!) record reviews, and I am actually transforming that knowledge into something productive, that could be helpful for others.

I don't mean to keep going on about this, but this job represents a real shift in my thinking about what I'm capable of and what I deserve. Somehow I never thought I could work for a legitimate, for-profit corporation and feel OK about it.

My grandmother's funeral and memorial service is tomorrow. Despite my somewhat cold-sounding observations about her a few entries ago, I really did love Grandma, and little memories of her pop up continually through the day. She is certainly the grandparent I had the closest relationship to. She was involved in the family in a way that none of my other grandparents were, and at one point she even lived with mom and dad while I was still living at home, so we were housemates.

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