newest entry 2003-02-16 9:40 a.m.

What strange days these are--going about everyday business, but also knowing that we could be attacked at any moment. This is a true test--staying positive through all this. Learning the deeper meaning of "security".

Are we ever really secure? 10 people were killed in a bus crash the other day. Their deaths warranted two inches of newspaper space. They didn't die in a terrorist attack, but they are as dead as any bombing victim. So...I don't know what I'm getting at here, but I'll leave it on the page as a little...uh...prose poem...

In more local news, I have this gig I'm rehearsing for, and right now it's all chaos. I have a sore throat & PMS, my guitarist dropped out of the gig with only 2 weeks notice, because he "has to work" that night and the replacement guitarist just didn't bother showing up for rehearsal yesterday (which means we now have only about 1 or 2 rehearsals to go before the show, with a bunch of new songs that he hasn't learned) and the rehearsal itself was nerve-wracking and too loud. I'm still not worried, though. I think it'll all resolve beautifully. And if it doesn't, and I have a bad show, I'll live. Or, ya know, die in a terrorist attack or bus crash.

Went to my sister-in-law's surprise 40th birthday party last night in NJ. I didn't want to go cuz I was sick and it's a long drive, but I also knew it would be a life-affirming act. And it was.

I saw a few old Jersey friends, including one guy whose band I was in when I was 16 (I played bass--terribly). He recounted to a guest how we met, and how that led to his friendship with my brother, which led to his meeting his wife, and it turned into this long Mahabharata-like tale of how aprox. ten of us at the party were connected to each other. Everyone jumped in with details and facts, because no one knew the whole story. We re-told the story 3 times and it got better with every telling.

The perspective it gave me on the arc of my own life, and the interconnectedness of all these seemingly disparate folks, was really satisfying. I am not as isolated as I feel, and the life I imagined for myself back when I was 16 is not so far from the life I have created. That makes it easier to put up with all the stupid little annoying details, knowing they're just part of a grander design.

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