newest entry 2002-11-06 10:36 a.m.

I know you've woken up in an entirely Republican America and you are depressed (or elated) and you want to talk about that. We can talk about that later. Right now I want to tell you about my Swingline High Capacity Lever Handle Hole Punch.

She's a beauty, ain't she?

For years I struggled with sub-par hole punches...anytime I had to punch a stack of papers, I got a little twinge where my shoulder meets my neck--tension! Punching papers can be such a drag. If it's a thick document, you have to un-stapled the pages, punch, and restaple. God help you if the pages get out of order and there is more unstapling and restapling in your future. And a lousy hole punch shreds the paper rather than making a nice clean satisfying thwacking slice.

For awhile I found remedy in xeroxing documents onto pre-punched paper. It's a high-tech solution and it affords one the opportunity to get up and stretch the ol' legs and go to the vending machine for M&Ms. That's all fun and games--until the pre-punched paper runs out!!

Recently, I requested a new hole punch from the mothership office in SF, and they sent me this one--and it's changed my whole relationship to paper.

Look at the whammy-bar! The clean, effortless leverage that punches paper like a hot knife through Jell-O.

I can't believe I fucking voted for Stanley Aronowitz.

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