newest entry 2002-07-12 1:42 p.m.

My sleep-deprivation cycle continues. I'm not worried, I'm just riding its strange waves. But I do feel pretty frayed at the edges.

I was teaching my beginner class this morning, and I was shifting in and out of "service" mode. As an Integral instructor, I'm supposed to teach in order to serve, not to "help" or to assert my ideas or whatever, but strictly to serve. With this approach, no one is separate from me, everyone is a facet of God.

However, today, cuz I was a little cranky, I found certain students looking less like God and more like Satan's annoying little brother Ernie...There were at least three students who, at various points in the class, steadfastly ignored my instructions. Usually, that's OK--if someone is finding his own way in a posture, they're free to do so. But these people were just being lazy, copying the incorrect form of the person next to them rather than listening and doing it right. I checked to see if maybe they couldn't hear me, but no, they could, they just were being inattentive.

It was good, I suppose, because as I found myself becoming annoyed, I had to breathe deeply and shift intentionally back to the thought, "I am here to serve, not to judge." I took it as a reminder to myself to be more attentive to my students and in my own practice.

I am glad I didn't go with Plan A, which was to burst into tears and yell, "You stupid fuckers, can't you do anything right?" Cuz that probably woulda been bad.

Now I'm at work, quietly goin' about my bidness, and later I will see Yo La Tengo at Celebrate Brooklyn with some other hep kitties.

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