newest entry 2002-07-08 4:33 p.m.

Spoke with Merry this morning…she mentioned that one of our newer teachers is experiencing a lot of anxiety around teaching (despite how good she is) and is considering dropping out for a little bit to get some help for this.

It was warming to hear someone talk about quitting in a neutral, non-judgmental way, and to acknowledge that sometimes dropping out can be a constructive thing. (It also made me feel less freakish about my own intermittent anxiety about teaching.)

I think of all the major “quitting” experiences I’ve had in my life--how disastrous most of them were, and how positive they could have been with that kind of compassionate attitude behind my decision. I tend to drag a situation out (job, relationship, project) long beyond its usefulness rather than walk away from it. And that isn’t always motivated by tenacity but rather fear. Then when I do end up quitting, it’s often with anger or frustration and guilt rather than “it’s just time to go.”

Speaking of jobs, I am on the third week of my PT job, and I feel like I am paying back my karmic debt from all jobs past. I come to work early, I leave late…I keep my work area tidy…I am engaged in what I’m doing, even if it’s dopey….Most important of all, though, is that I think I’m getting the hang of office chit-chat. I have always avoided chit-chat because I am never quite sure what to say. Now I realize that no one expects you to say anything interesting, they just want to have eye contact, a few moments of connection. This one very basic fact of life has eluded me til now, and I’m glad I’m finally learning.

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