An argument is in the "green" zone if you're communicating information...it goes into the "yellow" zone when you start projecting and getting upset, and it goes into the "red" when there's screaming, name-calling, etc.
It has helped to use this system when we argue. I will actually stop myself when I feel things turning "yellow", and try to get them back to green. We haven't been going into the red at all, which I'm grateful for.
What's interesting about couples counseling is that it doesn't really get too deep. I mean, it's almost all practical stuff, there doesn't seem to be any analysis...I don't know if this is universal, but I can see where it really has to stay at a surface level in order to get at the communication issues. Cuz I think communication problems happen when you have two people thinking and feeling abstractly and irrationally and then having no common currency to discuss their versions of reality.
Picked up a used CD remaster of Bonnie Raitt's Street Lights. I loved this record when I was 12, back before punk rock completely took over my life... It hasn't aged so well, but it's got the lovely "Angel from Montgomery"...
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